I’m Back!!!

I haven’t posted since June 5th. Man how the time has flown. I planned to make a one month in remission post and continue my reading posts and none of that happened. This summer has just been so busy. I have been spending all my time making memories and being present with my kids. I hate to think that I am missing time with them by having a screen in front of me. We have enjoyed swimming, baseball, and spending as much time as possible outside. My goal was to give them a 90’s summer and I am pleased that I have been achieving just that. My kids may complain about how much time we spend outside, but it makes me happy to see them use their imagination more. They still bicker like siblings, but the fresh air has been so good for them. By the end of the day, we are all so exhausted that we pass out. My hope is that my kids can carry these memories with them and use them for their own kids one day.

Let me catch you up with what all I’ve been up to. I’m over a month in remission an I’m feeling pretty good most of the time. My biggest complaints are that my entire body hurts. It’s more than just stiffness or small pains. I have pain in my feet, ankles, knees, legs, hips, back, shoulders, arms, hands, and fingers. My left ankle is the worst and my hands have been causing problems. I haven’t been able to write using pen and paper because it hurts to grip a pen. Staying active helps with the body aches so they are more dull throughout the day. But when I wake up it takes me about 30 minutes before I’m able to walk properly and be able to function. I keep getting told it’s all normal side effects from chemo that I can be prescribed pain killers if I want but that it will go away sometime in the next year. I say no to the pain killers every time, so I’m just waiting for all the side effects to be gone.

Exciting news, my hair has been growing back. I lost all my hair after my 2nd chemo treatment and it’s been about a month since my hair has been growing back. I no longer have to wear hats to protect my head from the sun. I still wear long sleeve shirts and pants to protect from getting sun burned. My daughter keeps reminding me that she has longer hair than me. It’s nice to see that my kids haven’t been completely traumatized by this whole thing. They still joke with me and treat me like they normally would. They do get a little anxious when I have doctor’s appointments but I do my best to reassure them that all is good and all the appointments are to make sure everything continues in the right direction.

I have been reading as much as I can in the little bit of free time that I get between spending the days with my kids. I’ll do another post about what I’ve read in June. Maybe someone else will want to read the books as well.

I decided to join a support group on facebook because I had a couple of really bad weeks. I had a lot of feelings of frustration because I am not in full remission and I’m having so many side effects afterwards. It does feel like my body fails me sometimes, but I keep reminding myself that I’m still alive. That I will never be the same person I was before all of this, but honestly that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I find myself saying that I can’t do the things I was able to do before, that I can’t do it all like I used to. I now have to put things on hold because I can’t physically and mentally do it all like I did before. I have to take days where we have few plans. I also had a breakdown yesterday because the last few weeks have caught up to me. We had a couple of really busy weeks with baseball tournaments, practices, and family dinners. We weren’t home for more than a couple of hours a day for the last 2 weeks. I took time to have a good cry and then just sat around and relaxed for the rest of the day.

I decided to apply for a home processing exemption license. I am still waiting to hear back from that. It’s been about 3 weeks since I mailed in the application. I should hear in the next week or so if I’m approved. My plan is to have a bakery/used book stand. I have already heard all the ways this could not work out for me, but my cancer experience has lit a fire that I refuse to let go out. I don’t know how much more life I have to live. This isn’t me being negative, I’m being realistic. I could be in remission for the next 60 years or I could relapse in the next 5 years. There is no knowing for sure. So I’m refusing to let anymore life go by without working towards my goals. I am going to get back to doing what I love and in turn being able to put money aside for my trip to Italy in 8 years. I hate to admit that it took me having a near death experience to realize that I am getting older and have so many goals left to reach. I have been working slowly to reach these goals.

I started doing a 75 soft challenge. I know everyone has heard about 75 hard. I myself have attempted 75 hard twice and failed both times. 75 soft is more flexible and works more with a busy mom schedule. The rules are that you have to eat relatively healthy with no alcohol except for special occasions, drink 2 liters of water a day, complete one 45 minute workout that could be as simple as cleaning your entire house, read 10 pages of any book each day, and taking progress pictures is optional. I am on day 19. I am so proud of myself for sticking with it no matter how busy our days have been. I have also challenged myself to get 10,000 steps a day. I started tracking July 1st and have done really well not getting under 7,000 steps.

One thing I need to work on is to take time to myself. It’s so easy to get lost in motherhood and forget that you’re also living life for the first time and deserve to do things for yourself. Making sure your kids are taken care of and giving them a good childhood is important, but it’s also important to not forget about living life for yourself too. I have allowed myself to get so caught up in spending all my time with my kids, that I haven’t done much for myself. One thing I enjoy is working out. I stopped trying to workout when summer started so I wouldn’t take time from my kids, but tomorrow I’ll be getting back on board with working towards my goal of strengthening my body and getting my muscles back that I lost from chemo. Movement is the best medicine.

I’m so glad to be back to writing and I can’t wait to share with you all my business adventures! I hope you’ll stick around for all the fun!